I Feel a Rant Coming On

Not really.


Anyway, good things.

1st:
Everyone in my family is going to be here practically all this week. considering that everyone who reads this blog will be here to experience it, I won't go into detail. Suffice it to say that I'm excited.

2nd:
I saw the 1980's Flash Gordon movie... IN HD! Wow, just wow. I was watching it and I thought, "this isn't HD, the quality sucks." After watching for a few more minutes I had an unispired epiphany. The picture seemed clearer, things less muddy and fuzzed, i could see the pores on Dr. Zarkov's face! It hit me; the quality of the movie doesn't suck. It's the 80's that suck.

3nd:
I watched Pirates: At World's End again. I honestly have to say I don't know why I didn't like it the first time around. It has a simple premise: evil begins and ends with people.

Barbossa, the crazed zombie pirate captain... was a person. Davy Jones, the crazed fish pirate captain... was originally a person. Will Turner, Elizabeth Swan, and Jack Sparrow (who are the good guys of the movies) are cut throat, do anything to get ahead, sell their own grandmas for a cookie type thing. And you guessed it... they're people. Lord Beckert is the real villian, the movie's posthumous, mephistophelian abaddon... and he's a person.

After you watch all three movies you realize that in a world of pirates where loyalties are scoffed at and "there is no honor among thieves" that Barbossa and Davy Jones aren't bad guys. Just guys doing their things and had uber bad things happen to them along the way (zombification and turning into a squid dude) and are trying to rectify the situation, and they are justified. Death leads you to a new place. And if you're half way decent most people agree it'll be better than this life. Barbossa and Davy Jones are stuck like they are for eternity. Killing a few (hundred) people ain't a good thing, but to allow them to progess in their state (i'm taking a mormon mindset here) they are justified.

Beckert is crazed, though. The movie shows him as this shrewed savvy buisness man willing to do anything for a buck. Or rather this is what people picked up from him. Instead, Beckert is willing to do anything. Period. That's why he's good at business, not the other way around. Also, he requires no crazy transformation to be the epitome of the world's evil. Just pure human. Which in the movie's logic means just pure evil.

The final scene of Beckert's life is absolutely amazing. He realized that he just lost the upperhand. That the good and right thing (there is a difference) can, on occasion, tip the scales in your favor. The look on his face when he realized he's lost Davy Jones, and in effect lost all leverage, is beautiful. He walks slowly down the ship. His face lithic. Every board he steps off is abolished behind him, leaving nothing but reckage and ruin. It's surreal and wonderful and alone merits the purchase of a ticket (dollar theater at least).

The other things that bugged me about the movie the first time I saw it, didn't bother me this time around.

The Pirate Counsol:
This drove me crazy. The first two movies made no mention of a pirate brotherhood. Barbossa being a pirate lord was great and fine, but having Jack be one also was pushing it. Miz Swan becoming one was far too hard to bear.

At least the first time around.

The first two movies had no mention of the pirate counsol because there was no need to mention it. The entire reason the pirate lords convened was because of Barbossa wanting to release Calypso. The first movie, there was no Beckert, so there was no reason to release Calypso (also Barbossa was trying to become mortal again). In the second movie Barbossa was dead, so obviously he couldn't concoct his plan.
Jack's everywhere. He may not deserve to be a pirate lord, but that wouldn't stop him. He doesn't deserve anything he has: the Black Pearl, the Compass, the crew. He's a pirate, why should obligation or honor stop him from getting what he wants? When has it?
Miz Swan becoming the King... it was done out of necessisity, not Gore Verbinsky having a crush on her. She wanted Beckert dead . Beckert killed her father and she wanted revenge. She wanted to battle. She and Jack (for other reasons) were the only ones wanting to go to battle, so Jack quite deftly manipulated the court to get Miz Swan made King since there was to be no general consensus for battle. Like I said, it was done out of necessity.

Tia Dalma being the Goddess of the Sea, Calypso:
Again no mention of her being a mystical being in the first two movies. Again, no reason to mention her in the first two movies. In the first movie (again) Barbossa was trying to become mortal again. In the second movie Barbossa was dead . You may argue that Jack knew who she was and never said boo. First off, he may not have known who she was. It was the first Pirate Counsol that sealed her, even Chow Yung Fat didn't know who Calypso was and he was on the current counsol. So being on the counsol doesn't merit that type of knowledge. Second, IF Jack did know, why would he tell. One of the consamant themes of Pirates is knowledge is power. If you know something, that's a bargaining chip. You should only play it when you can get something (better) in return. He's not gonna be spouting off that she's a great deity to people who can do nothing (for him) about it.

Miz Swan and Will Turner Getting Married in the Midst of Battle:
Yeah, this is still lame. But come on. The second movie had Jack Sparrow fall hundreds of feet with only weak foot bridges to break his fall; he immediately gets up fine. It also has a fight scene on a freaking water mill wheel. COME ON! If the second movie can do this and no one calls foul, the third movie can have it's goofy moment.

Following with the theme and evil begins and ends with humans, I think it interesting to point out something. The Kraken and Calypso, the two none human destructive agents, don't do too much. Yeah the Kraken tears down a ton of ships, but just because Davy Jones told him to. If left to his own devices he'd probably just eat killer whales at the bottom of the ocean. And Calypso, as a goddess she cares not for just petty things as humans, so she ignores 'em. No problem.

Amazing movie. I can't say it's my favorite pirate movie ( I don't know which one is) but it does belong in the trilogy. Each movie has it's merits and downfalls and At World's End is worthy of its two predecessors.

3rd(b): In this giant tirade, I'm not saying humans are inherently evil, nor am I saying everyone is evil. I'm saying that humans have the greatest capacity for evil, and that's what this movie shows; the humans are far worse than any fish folk, zombies, or apathetic deity are. Conversely, humans also have the greatest capacity for good (not necessarily featured in the this film).

4rd: This post is riducously long. To anyone who has read this far I will buy you ice cream. I'm serious here. Next time I see you, tell me you read this part, and we'll go out for ice cream. No fair reading this and telling other people.
** this has totally expired. If you haven't read this by now, all bets are off**

5rd: I am super, super excited for my b-day this month. I'll be spending the day with the two people who have had the biggest effect in my life. It'll be our own 6 year reunion. I haven't seen them in forever, and I'm so happy to be (if only one day) the three of us again. I could go on forever how much I love them and how forever grateful I am to them for helping me get through highschool (ugh). I'll save that for another post, I still have more to write about.

6th: I had the coolest dream ever. It started with thousands upon thousands of missiles being launched just beyond the horizon. I pity people who don't have vivid dreams and don't dream in color, cuz i do. IT was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. Volley after volley after volley raining down. The missles never hit anyone, instead they would hit the ground and launch rocks, dirt, and debris into the air. The next few days (dream time) there was hail of bowling ball sized chunks of debris and rocks falling. This was the real killer. People dying left and right. It was pretty tramatic. At this point, I realized that everyone looked like lego people. I was watching my dream in lego vision (not like real legos, more like a movie version of legos anyone who has seen/played lego starwars or lego indiana jones knows what I'm talking aboot). I was informed by a disembodied voice that this was to insure THIS (my dream, but it wasn't explicitly stated) could contain all the violence and still avoid the R rating. Pretty sweet.

I remember one person was continually pelted by falling fire rocks, but despite how pulverized he was he kept on going. Initially I thought he was just tough and could be, you know, the hero or something. As it turned out, HE WAS A ZOMBIE!!! The meteorite/debris/rocks were turning people into zombies. That was the point of the missles. As soon as I made that dream connection there were thousands of zombies running around. Pretty freaky.

The next thing that happened was I fought my way to moab. Why? Cuz that's where all the scientist were, duh. Apparently there was a crazy phenomenon where the zombies in moab would randomly and occasionally fly up in the air like they were being tossed. I woke up before I could discover the significance of this. I was mad.

6rd: Most my number have been followed by rd. I hope you've noticed.

7th: I am super proud of myself for my "posthumous, mephistophelian abaddon". Yeah, go me.

8rd: My next post won't be a fifth as long nor a tenth as boring.